Kaitlyn Donahue serves as the Executive Director of Deeper Still West Michigan — a ministry serving post-abortive men and women. She has an extensive background in pro-life advocacy with nearly a decade of experience working for Justice for All, spreading knowledge about how to change people's minds from pro-choice to pro-life.
Entering pro-life ministry and engaging in conversations with pro-choice people on college campuses quickly revealed to Kaitlyn that there was a significant knowledge gap in one particular area — how to effectively help women heal from post-abortion trauma. Conversations with women who were processing profound grief after having an abortion created intense curiosity for Kaitlyn — what resources existed to help them? And how could she engage these mothers in a way that promoted Gospel-centric healing? After thoroughly reading books, Bible studies, and attending conferences on the subject, Kaitlyn felt she had developed a significant pool of resources and help for post-abortive parents. Today, in her role at Deeper Still West Michigan, Kaitlyn regularly leads post-abortion healing retreats that serve as a catalyst for overcoming trauma and transforming generations of hurt from the violent loss of unborn lives.
Here are Kaitlyn's recommendations for interacting with post-abortive parents:
1. Be a safe place for them
Rather if a person is pro-choice or pro-life, having an abortion is not on any woman's bucket list. Whether she admits it or not, a woman who has ended her baby's life does experience grief — though sometimes this is repressed. Even if a person passionately denies any negative impact of undergoing an abortion, it is important to approach them with gentleness and be a safe place for them once they have disclosed their baby has died in this way. In general, conversations about abortion can be heated and emotional, but there is an additional layer of pain when a person has lost their very own son or daughter to the unjust procedure. Pro-life advocates seeking to help people in their community heal from post-abortion trauma must tread carefully when interacting with anyone who has played a role in destroying their own child — most of them feel guilt on their conscience and judgment from others. If we want to see them healed and set free from the harmful effects of abortion, this begins with being approachable and careful in our interactions with them.
2. Show empathy, compassion, understanding, and gentleness
Abortion is a grave injustice that intentionally kills innocent human beings. The incredible bloodshed of abortion moves many of us to take action to save lives. These forms of activism are vital for laying a foundation for an abortion-free world where every family and child is safe. However, in our battle against injustice, sometimes we are not mindful enough of the other victims of abortion — mothers and fathers whose baby is forever gone.
The Charlotte Lozier Institute found that nearly 70% of women who have an abortion feel pressured into the decision. This coercive influence also increases the amount of distress women experience psychologically after abortion.
"Among 226 respondents who reported a history of abortion, perceived pressure to abort was significantly associated with more negative emotions; more disruption of daily life, work, or relationships; more frequent thoughts, dreams, or flashbacks to the abortion; more frequent feelings of loss, grief or sadness about the abortion; more moral and maternal conflict over the abortion decision; a decline in overall mental health that they attribute to their abortions; more desire or need for help to cope with negative feelings about the abortion" (Effects of Pressure to Abort on Women’s Emotional Responses and Mental Health).
Whatever the amount of coercion or pressuring may have been in a given situation, every post-abortive parent has scars, and must be met with compassion — not disdain. When pro-life advocates interact with post-abortive parents, it is vital to show genuine empathy and care when they share their experiences with abortion.
3. Don't ask for all the gory details about the abortion procedure they experienced
In her work with Deeper Still West Michigan, Kaitlyn has found that one of the greatest sources of distress for post-abortive women is excessive questioning about the specifics of the abortion procedure they underwent. If a woman tells you she is post-abortive, try not to delve deeply into all the gory details of how her baby died. Instead, focus on inquiring about whether she is doing ok now, and prioritize being a presence of care to promote healing. In some settings, like when post-abortive mothers agree to be interviewed about their abortion experience, it may be appropriate to delve more deeply into the particulars about the abortion, but when it comes to regular day-to-day experiences, where friends or family members may admit to having an abortion, it's best to focus on being a gentle and non-threatening presence. A soft approach lays the foundation for women to experience healing from their abortion.
4. Ask open-ended questions
Empathetic listening and inquiring about post-abortive women's well-being create a culture of safety where women can feel secure to ask for support. Some forms of questioning can be hurtful when a person is suffering under the weight of unresolved trauma. Avoid questions like, "Why would you do that?" or phrases that could come across as an accusation, like, "Do you think it was justified to have an abortion?" Instead, ask questions that come from a place of calm and care, such as, "How are you doing now?"
5. Don't make your relationship weird with them once they disclose they've had an abortion
Kaitlyn mentioned in her interview with Embryo Advocates that many post-abortive parents reveal their abortion story accidentally. When this happens, most of these individuals begin to phase that person out of their life by talking with them less and decreasing their engagement in the friendship. They withdraw in this way because of deep fears of rejection and abandonment as a result of a choice they are not proud of. If a person accidentally shares their abortion story with you, be a safe place, inquire about their wellbeing since the abortion took place, and — when it feels appropriate to do so — offer post-abortion resources.
It is precisely when men or women disclose their abortion story that our response and friendship behaviors become most crucial. Use nonverbal cues that communicate care and acceptance, not judgment or disgust. In the presence of love and safety, we are able to overcome unresolved grief and hurt. Cultivate this kind of environment with your post-abortive friends, family members, and acquaintances.
6. Point them towards healing resources
Few people know about the incredible number of healing resources that exist to support men and women on their recovery journey after having an abortion. There are books, Bible studies, conferences, retreats, and more. Kaitlyn recommends pointing post-abortive parents toward Deeper Still retreats, where attendees can explore the circumstances surrounding the death of their child — the people involved, the lies they believe about themselves and others, what the Gospel is and how God meets post-abortive families with mercy, and unresolved grief they can finally have a place to process.
In summary, abortion has many victims. First of all, the preborn baby who is violently destroyed, and then the mother and father, who are also scarred by this incredible loss. Everyone is hurt in the wake of abortion — each part of our world is damaged because of the lives lost. But when we engage the post-abortive parents around us with compassion, empathy, and supportive resources, healing can begin. When healing takes place, our culture has the foundation it needs to end abortion, remember its victims, and cultivate a pro-life, pro-family society where every person is always protected from violence.
Interested in hearing more from Kaitlyn Donahue? Watch her full interview with Embryo Advocates here, or tune in on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.






